Maybe I Should Change the Battery in My Watch

Twelve years ago today, my boss, the VP for the company, asked me to walk with him to see the VP of HR.  It was almost the holidays – was I getting a raise, a promotion, written up, terminated?  Every imaginable emotion and fear entered my mind.  We got into Mike’s office and they shut the door and I sat down.  I didn’t know what was about to happen, and I couldn’t have imagined it if I had tried.

My aunt’s voice came over the speaker phone and this voice explained that my dad was in ICU.  Things had gotten bad and I needed to come home.  Would I be flying?  I said no, I would drive.  I’d leave right away.  Today.  She told me the hospital name and gave me directions off of the interstate.  After she hung up, I stood up, paralyzed.  My boss, Charlie, reached into his pocket and handed me a stack of cash and said it was to help me get home.  Mike would advance my pay cheque for direct deposit.

The next several days was a blur, as was most of the drive that night.

I seem to relive that day so many times, wondering what I could have done to prevent what was to come.

I miss you Daddy.  It’s supposed to get easier with time.  It’s been a decade and then some.  4382.91 days.  It isn’t easier.