Maybe I Should Change the Battery in My Watch

1 11 2012

Twelve years ago today, my boss, the VP for the company, asked me to walk with him to see the VP of HR.  It was almost the holidays – was I getting a raise, a promotion, written up, terminated?  Every imaginable emotion and fear entered my mind.  We got into Mike’s office and they shut the door and I sat down.  I didn’t know what was about to happen, and I couldn’t have imagined it if I had tried.

My aunt’s voice came over the speaker phone and this voice explained that my dad was in ICU.  Things had gotten bad and I needed to come home.  Would I be flying?  I said no, I would drive.  I’d leave right away.  Today.  She told me the hospital name and gave me directions off of the interstate.  After she hung up, I stood up, paralyzed.  My boss, Charlie, reached into his pocket and handed me a stack of cash and said it was to help me get home.  Mike would advance my pay cheque for direct deposit.

The next several days was a blur, as was most of the drive that night.

I seem to relive that day so many times, wondering what I could have done to prevent what was to come.

I miss you Daddy.  It’s supposed to get easier with time.  It’s been a decade and then some.  4382.91 days.  It isn’t easier.

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