Inside the mind of a deadbeat parent is no place to want to be…

11 10 2010

I shouldn’t be as angry as I am, I feel confident in the security of the legal system to protect my children.  But I am angry, riled, seething – nonetheless.The father of my children, my ex-husband, has been absent from their lives since April 1998 – though officially he did not become absent until I left him in December of 1998.  Even so, following the separation, he made not one attempt to write or contact or even financially support them.  Our divorce was finalized many years later, in 2002, on what would have been our seventh wedding anniversary.  Just by fate the courts gave their stamp of approval on February 14, 2002.  And, due to his two felony counts of sexual assaults on minor children, I had included in the divorce demands that he be barred from visitation and custody of them.  He agreed, so long as child support was not demanded in the divorce judgement.

Two years later, he called me out of the blue – were we yet divorced?  When I asked why, he informed me that he was dating a single mother and wished to co-sign for a loan so she could buy a house – because a single mother shouldn’t be living in an apartment.  This riled me, as I was a single mother, of his children, and had never received from him even a penny to support them.  And thus, the next week I went down to the child support enforcement offices to request their help in establishing a child support order.

Another two years of legal procedures and such went by before the courts established a child support order for their father.  He called again, this time to ask if I could send him the money back once he paid it to the courts.  I refused.  He asked if he could see the girls and I decided to allow him a short visit to our home, which I paid for his transportation and such to make happen.  He arrived only to tell me he had cashed in the tickets and bought a one-way ticket instead so he could have spending money for the trip.  The entire visit he spent lounged on the couch, playing video games, making inappropriate comments to the children when he would speak to them at all.

In 2008 he filed his taxes, a first, and the government took the full refund to send to me – the first of any child support payments.  Another year would pass before I would see any further monies.

Earlier this year he informed the courts that the girls were not his and he should not have to pay child support.  But we had been through this before, and the DNA was produced and that argument was cast aside.

Then I learn he has now asked for custody and visitation modifications.  While I have already produced to the courts the documents of his pedophile convictions and the divorce decree to which he agreed and the federally placed decree that he cannot have custody of any minor children, nor unsupervised visitation – I am seething that this man would even think he has some right to make such a request.

So I called him.

And with my blood boiling I asked him what the hell he was thinking.

He commented that he didn’t really have his hopes up but that it would reduce his child support payments if I refused visitation (mind you the payments that he doesn’t make anyhow are only $267/month).  I reminded him of the divorce decree he agreed to, but he didn’t remember that.  I reminded him of his pedophile convictions, but he is a changed man.  I reminded him of the federal decree, but he didn’t think that applied to his own children.

So I asked him…How old are they?

Who? he replied.

The children.

A long moment of silence I afforded him and he finally replied, I think Alannah is a teenager now.

But how old are they?  What are their ages, in years?

I don’t know, he said.  You won’t let me see them.

We were together until Kayla was almost two.  Not seeing them doesn’t impede your ability to know their ages.  How old are they, go ahead and do the math, I’ll wait!

Another long pause, and then he said I don’t know.

Precisely my point. A month ago you tried to once again claim they weren’t yours, now dear doting father who has never willingly paid a cent for their well-being, you want custody or at least visitation!?

He spoke of how if he at least knew where they lived he would send a card or a gift and I told him how everyone in his family knows where they live, he need only ask.  Silence again.

He finally simply said, well I probably won’t get it, I just want child support reduced, so you should be fine.


I’ve vented well enough now I suppose, but my heart is still bounding about in my chest with indignation.  I’ll never understand the mind of a deadbeat father.




2 responses

23 11 2010


9 01 2011


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: