What if?

7 05 2010
“Last night, while I lay thinking here, some Whatifs crawled inside my ear and pranced and partied all night long and sang their same old Whatif song” – Shel Silverstein

I remember as a teenager our choral groups, cheer leading and sports teams traveled all over the country side, often with only one teacher or coach as a chaperone.  We would leave at dawn and stay gone overnight or several nights at times.  And I certainly don’t recall my parents ever tearing up or covering any check lists with me before I left.  Most generally the final hour involved collecting my giddy friends into the car and a little wave of the hand as the car disappeared from view.

I don’t know if it is just the social changes over the last twenty years that makes me more apprehensive than my parents were or that perhaps they were just better adjusted to letting me go – but either way, I am struggling emotionally with allowing my daughter to travel on a class trip today.  Their buses will leave before the school day is through and they will take all of the eighth graders to an amusement park, which has allowed the children free reign in a manner of speaking.  The park is closed down and only teachers and students and park employees will be there.  Not a single parent or outside visitors.  She has a cell phone and I have loaded the phone numbers of all of her friends who are going as well into my phone.  Call me when you get on the bus, call me when you get to the park, call me when you get on the bus, call me when you hit the interstate, call me when you hit the county line – just call.  And even with all of these warnings and precautions and check lists, I still had a restless night of horrid what-ifs and have bawled too many times to count.

What if they get in an accident and she dies the day before Mother’s Day?

What if an evil and unsupervised child does something dreadfully bad to my daughter?

What if a ride malfunctions and she becomes a statistic?

What if she has harboured secret plans to run away and I’ve missed some telltale sign?

What if she is kidnapped?

What if she has an asthma attack and fails to get attention?

What if she misses the bus?

What if some crazed lunatic unleashes fury on the kids at the restaurant they are stopping at?

What if?

I tell myself rationally that she will be fine, she’ll have an unbelievable time and create memories to last a lifetime.  I tell myself I am creating fear out of irrational thoughts and implementing a damper on what should be a fun day.  But it’s done little to quell my fears and I’ve a thought that until she is safely home Saturday, my heart will continue to race and my stomach will turn and my eyes will well up and my thoughts will play out these impossible scenes.

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2 responses

17 06 2010
WIll

hey whats your myspace page.

15 07 2010
protogere

I don’t use myspace any longer, haven’t for well over a year now so it would be rather unnecessary to disclose it.

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