Accepted

23 12 2009

When I graduated from high school my plans were well laid.  They were actually firmly in place years before then.  The college selected and visited; SATs and ACTs taken and retaken to improve the scores to the highest possible; scholarships won and grants approved – basically everything an eighteen year old needed had been done for her except the calendar to roll forward to D-Day.  And with three days left to go, I fell for the weakest line in the world from a boyfriend that I was convinced was a dead ringer for Tom Cruise – ‘If you go to college, how will we be able to explore what could be?’

And for that, I didn’t go away.

So as I thrust myself into the task of hunting for a college, filling out applications for grants and financial aid and waiting on the edge of my seat to learn if I will make the cut – I feel so lost.

Fifteen years ago I had not a flutter at all in my stomach, I was approaching the world with confidence and control and hell, I knew it all.  But that knowledge isn’t here now and I am all too aware of that.

If I am accepted, that’s the next 56 weeks of my life being a student again.  Juggling life, parenting, studying and learning – it is a terrifying thought.

If I am not, then it means I get to continue to sit here job hunting in my clean house listening to the clock tick and the floor creak as my life passes by.

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