I need a job

1 09 2009

Being broke is such a depressing state of being.  Even moreso when you find yourself no longer debating whether or not you can afford to rent a movie, but whether or not you can pay your car insurance or car payment.  When that extreme is passed, you move into rationalizations about medical care and grocery shopping.  I am now to the point where I have to look at my daughter, who turns fourteen this Wednesday, and tell her the best I can give her is a dinner of her choosing and a hug.  That’s about as heart broken as I have felt in many years.  I never imagined I would still be out of work this many months later.  I never imagined my savings would dwindle to this extent.  I never imagined I would find myself apologizing to my daughter for having to give her less than a gift for her birthday.  She is an understanding child, not greedy or materialistic.  For that I am fortunate.  Can I make her spaghetti alla carbonara?  Gladly, I said.  That’s good enough for me, she said.

Last night I began working on a project for a gift for her.  I remember making a journal for myself when I was about 16, making the paper myself, binding it and dying it.  I still have it to this day.  She has been wanting to have a project to make one similar for herself so I have begun getting myself knee deep into the operation.

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I started by tearing up linen paper and parchment and plain old copy paper and then soaking it in water for a few hours.  I added green food colouring and used an electric mixer to grind it all to a pulp.  Then I laid it out flat and between the use of the oven, a hair dryer and an iron, I flattened and removed the water.

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Problem is that I don’t have glue and the glue mixture I made doesn’t work and I am too broke to afford a 99 cent bottle of Elmer’s glue.  LoL

So I guess I am just going to have to settle for making her dinner.

God I feel like a heel.

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