Simply Having Children Does Not Make You A Mother

11 02 2009

I love babies.  Who doesn’t?  Well, yes, there are some who don’t want them for their own – but I don’t think I have ever met any person who could be handed a sweet sleeping child, wrapped in a soft blanket and smelling of that perfect blend of baby powder and baby shampoo and then turn their nose up in disgust.  Yet, as much as anyone might look fondly on a young infant in their arms most have the ability on some level to tune in to reality long enough to decide on their ability to care for that young life for the next eighteen years – at least.  Granted, there are the ‘oops’ babies, the ones that weren’t exactly pre-planned, but even with these children, someone made a decision to forge ahead and bring them into the world – thus still a sign of reality.

As I sit here this evening watching this woman, who in her own words was an ‘incubator’ for eight babies, fourteen total if you count her other children, I am struggling with trying to see her rationalization for these births.  If she wasn’t a single income individual or better yet, if she had an income at all, perhaps her decision could be rationalized.  If she had the financial means to decide to have and raise fourteen children; that could be rationalized.  But this is a woman who burnt through 165k in disability, another 50k in student loans – not entirely for school mind you, and collects just under five hundred dollars a month in food stamps all the while trying to convince herself and the world that it is a ‘temporary resource’.  I failed to mention that of the fourteen, three are already diagnosed with disabilities including autism and ADHD, thus she collects disability for them. Again, just temporary.

I can nod along with her argument that a single parent is just as capable as a married couple to decide if they want to have children; and I can agree that a single parent is capable of being just as, if not more than, responsible as a married couple with children.  But how in the hell can anyone, most of all her, sit back and assess her life and think for a moment that to bring children into this world would be responsible?  Into her world. Step into her world.  She is a single woman, living in her mother’s home, trying to finish school, suffering from a back injury that left her disabled. She has no job, no investments, no trust fund or bank roll.  And as of a year ago she had a seven year old son, a six year old daughter, a five year old son, a three year old son and a pair of two year old twins.  And as a thirty-three year old woman in that life she decided to spend the savings she had, which in her own words was about sixty thousand dollars, to get impregnated again.  Not set it aside for their education or medical expenses; not put it as a down payment on a home or a vehicle.  No.  To have herself inseminated!

I don’t care if she did get lip implants or if she wants to emulate Angelina Jolie.  I care about the fact that there are six children, of which half are diagnosed as disabled, who need to attention of their mother and have medical needs.  They deserve the opportunities that should be afforded toany child to have a roof over their head and food on their table and the tangible knowledge that their parent loves them.  Instead, as I watch them be interviewed, you can witness their doubt and hesitation and you can see the reckless lifestyle that they are to be raised in.  They make note that they aren’t excited about their new siblings and they are blatant about their concern about the lack of room in their already small home.  And this is just the six already at home.  What about the newborn eight that aren’t even able to come home yet?

I have two children and when I had my babies, I was married and relatively financially stable.  And even yet with their college secured and the faith that I can tend to their well being, I still have my moments of fear of how easily that could all be toppled by our declining economy.  I cannot fathom multiplying that by seven.

There are so many other rambling thoughts rummaging through my mind but I falter to find the words at this moment.  So instead I will only say that I hope that someone will watch closely on this selfish woman and the innocent children she has chosen to bring into her world.

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