Coma or Instant Death?

30 05 2007

I sat on the porch steps of my house in game last night, staring out at the village we dominate and thought back to the hell of obtaining it. It was July 29, 2003 that I sat at my work desk, in a panic hushed call with a guild mate, Nxy, who was trying to buy our guild a house. A fatuous little rat had logged in at the lot stone Nxy had camped at with my character and purchased it up. ‘Find any other house and buy it, no matter the cost’ was my instructions. The cheapest there was would cost almost all of our guild funds for the lot alone, at a staggering five platinum. But I gave the approval for fear of getting no home at all, they were a rarity you know. It took us another three years of wheeling and dealing, pestering and coercing, and patience most of all, but we finally owned the entire village of Drayworth in Rilan.

And now I look around and think, what will happen when I leave. I will leave behind a house filled with trophies, common and rare, collected by guild mates and gifts from the alliance.

I can still remember who gave almost every trophy to us. The eyeball on the pedestal in the stairwell, that came from Glddrgn. The large dragon over the fireplace came from a cleric whose reputation for male affection I remember clearly, but her name not so much…Raewen perhaps it was. And the two smaller dragon heads on either side were a gift from Chanu when he was still trying to win my affections. ::laughs:: Same with the pixies adorning the walls, though those were after he and I were together. The spiders were ones I had always wanted but never could obtain and one of those miscreant drunkards from Absolute left them in a shared vault after an alliance event. Tyfany garnished the huge bird upstairs and Kedoredus gave the flags of the fallen from his romps in the frontiers. Amorells’ roundtable trophy, Oeric’s gift of the fish body, Evern and the Green Sword from our trophy raid and the Mordred trophy from Darkspire was another gift from Kedoredus. And of course the newly obtained Phoenix feather from Kreygon on behalf of the alliance.

Each trophy makes me smile at the memories. But when I leave, what do I do with them? Do I let them rot with the account, should I disperse them about? I just do not know.

What about the alliance house, where a shield with the emblem of every guild in the alliance rests upon the walls? Shy of three new guilds and four of the guilds along the way, every emblem of every guild is in the house. Andronnai to Mists of Avalon to Duurt’s Eternal guild to Guardian Angels and all of the rest. I cannot bear the idea of removing the emblems and selling off the house. Maybe it should just disappear on its own.

Same with the other houses. Obviously, Lurry and Lealanie still play, thus the houses will stay. I doubt Patagonia will remember to pay his rent and as I won’t be there to pay it, it will disappear; same with the houses of Lotherl and Shali and the alliance house. The guild house may stay a bit, I do not know. Protogere’s will be gone, as will Cemmeth’s and likely so will Tamaru’s. Part of me thinks I should get rid of them before I go, but what then to do with their contents?

It’s an easy answer with my own belongings, just let them rot on the account. Simple enough, yes. But that isn’t either, not really. Part of me longs to give out all I have to those in need. But what if I change my mind and come back to nothing?

Ah yes, that question rears its ugly head; the question that is truly the root of all other questions and doubts and arguments that fill my thoughts about leaving. What if I choose to return? I cannot foresee it happening, but what if?

To that I answer with why I am leaving, which takes some exploring in and of itself. Five years of my free time, my social life have been spent here. And when one is a single mother and needs something to occupy her hours after the kids have been sent to bed, it is a great escape. But they are not babies any longer, nor am I a single woman trying to fill the hours that some fill with the bar scene.

It was not merely the social aspect though, it was the friendships. People whom I have met and hell, half of them are on speed dial on my phone. They were people I could sit back and laugh with, share stories about our kids with, bitch about a hard days work and with whom I could enjoy the time off together. Many of them are gone.

Every once in a while I am sentimental and foolhardy enough to open my friends window and to look through the names of people I never see anymore. Somehow I have been the recipient of many of their accounts, for some reason or another they think to give me their account information when they leave. I never understood that but in some ways it is flattering.

What is there for me to return to though, if I should long for it at some point? A game which holds no interest any longer? Friends with whom I can keep in touch out of game? The memories of what was?

Yes, I do believe the instant death is better than the life support induced coma with that chance to come back again another day.

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